Lesson 1:
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is
finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The
wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs
downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob,
the next-door neighbor.
Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you $500
to drop that towel.'
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel
and stands naked in front of Bob. After a few
seconds, Bob hands her $500 and leaves without a word.
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back
upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband
asks, 'Who was that?'
'It was Bob the next door neighbor,' she replies.
'Great,' the husband says, 'did he say anything about
the $500 he owes me?'
Moral of the story:
If you share critical information pertaining to credit
and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in
a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
Lesson 2:
A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed
her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest
nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he
stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?' The priest
removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his
hand slide up her leg again.
The nun once again said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'
The priest apologized 'Sorry, sister, but the flesh is
weak.'
Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and
went on her way.
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to
look up Psalm 129.
It said, 'Go forth and seek, further up you will find
glory.'
Moral of the story:
If you are not well informed in your job, you might
miss a great opportunity.
Lesson 3:
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager
are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil
lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out.
The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish.'
'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk. 'I want to
be in the Bahamas , driving a speedboat, without a
care in the world.' Puff! She's gone.
'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to be
in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my personal
masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the
love of my life.' Puff! He's gone.
'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager.
The manager says, 'I want those two back in the office
after lunch.'
Moral of the story:
Always let your boss have the first say.
Lesson 4:
An eagle was sitting on a tree, resting, doing
nothing. A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him,
'Can I also sit like you and do nothing?'
The eagle answered: 'Sure, why not.'
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and
rested.
All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit
and ate it.
Moral of the story:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting
very, very high up.
Lesson 5:
A turkey was chatting with a bull. 'I would love to be
able to get to the top of that tree,' sighed the
turkey, 'but I haven't got the energy.'
'Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?'
replied the bull. 'They're packed with nutrients.'
The turkey pecked at a lump of shit, and found it
actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest
branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some
more shit, he reached the second branch. Finally
after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched
at the top of the tree.
He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out
of the tree.
Moral of the story:
Bull Shit might get you to the top, but it won't keep
you there.
Lesson 6:
A little bird was flying south for the Winter. It was
so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a
large field. While he was lying there, a cow came by
and dropped some shit on him.
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow shit,
he began to realize how warm he was. The shit was
actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and
happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to
investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered
the bird under the pile of cow shit, and promptly dug
him out and ate him.
Morals of the story:
(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your
friend.
(3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep
your mouth shut!
THIS ENDS THE FIVE MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is
finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The
wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs
downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob,
the next-door neighbor.
Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you $500
to drop that towel.'
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel
and stands naked in front of Bob. After a few
seconds, Bob hands her $500 and leaves without a word.
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back
upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband
asks, 'Who was that?'
'It was Bob the next door neighbor,' she replies.
'Great,' the husband says, 'did he say anything about
the $500 he owes me?'
Moral of the story:
If you share critical information pertaining to credit
and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in
a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
Lesson 2:
A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed
her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest
nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he
stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?' The priest
removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his
hand slide up her leg again.
The nun once again said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'
The priest apologized 'Sorry, sister, but the flesh is
weak.'
Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and
went on her way.
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to
look up Psalm 129.
It said, 'Go forth and seek, further up you will find
glory.'
Moral of the story:
If you are not well informed in your job, you might
miss a great opportunity.
Lesson 3:
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager
are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil
lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out.
The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish.'
'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk. 'I want to
be in the Bahamas , driving a speedboat, without a
care in the world.' Puff! She's gone.
'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to be
in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my personal
masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the
love of my life.' Puff! He's gone.
'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager.
The manager says, 'I want those two back in the office
after lunch.'
Moral of the story:
Always let your boss have the first say.
Lesson 4:
An eagle was sitting on a tree, resting, doing
nothing. A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him,
'Can I also sit like you and do nothing?'
The eagle answered: 'Sure, why not.'
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and
rested.
All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit
and ate it.
Moral of the story:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting
very, very high up.
Lesson 5:
A turkey was chatting with a bull. 'I would love to be
able to get to the top of that tree,' sighed the
turkey, 'but I haven't got the energy.'
'Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?'
replied the bull. 'They're packed with nutrients.'
The turkey pecked at a lump of shit, and found it
actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest
branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some
more shit, he reached the second branch. Finally
after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched
at the top of the tree.
He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out
of the tree.
Moral of the story:
Bull Shit might get you to the top, but it won't keep
you there.
Lesson 6:
A little bird was flying south for the Winter. It was
so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a
large field. While he was lying there, a cow came by
and dropped some shit on him.
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow shit,
he began to realize how warm he was. The shit was
actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and
happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to
investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered
the bird under the pile of cow shit, and promptly dug
him out and ate him.
Morals of the story:
(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your
friend.
(3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep
your mouth shut!
THIS ENDS THE FIVE MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE
Hate is a wasted Emotion!!
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